we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
