I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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