last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
