Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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