What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize