4 words: hood of his car
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
