So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
