His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
