I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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