i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
