just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
