I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't turn off my feet"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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