he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
