Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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