I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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