This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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