the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
