I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
