Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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