I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
