All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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