Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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