she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
