I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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