just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
