My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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