Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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