do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
