She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
