there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
