Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
