the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
