The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
