you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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