My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
