ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
