Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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