the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there was a trapeze. enough said
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
a search helicopter?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
