I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
