I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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