There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
