Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
