I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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