I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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