There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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