i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
