When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
