if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
