wat bout pragnant strippers??
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
