I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
