this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
