I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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