I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
